Artists’ angst
September 1, 2009
With fall approaching rapidly, I feel a symbiosis with the wildlife in our garden seeking shelter and sustenance for winter. I feel the metamorphosis in my bones. I am moody, uncomfortable in my skin, filled with uncertainty and lack of confidence. The last four months of the year fly by ever so fast and I am caught up in the accelerated tempo, knowing that many tasks will be left undone including the attention to my craft; all left in the dust of that pace. Yet, what stirs inside me demands that I paint – forces me to grow, learn, practice and eventually make that great leap of increased skill. If I don’t respond to the stirrings inside me, this time for growth may never come my way again.
I don’t suppose only artists have these transcendental moments. But I have experienced many. Each take me forward into new territory with increased knowledge, observation, understanding and skill. They are profound and enlightening. The transition is difficult and debilitating momentarily, but the results are well worth the effort of the journey.
These two paintings were fun to paint, comfortable to execute and reveal the level of skill and learning I have accomplished over the years. I like them, enjoy them hanging in my studio and hope you like them too.
Echo Reflection 20 x 20 Oil
Clear, nearly freezing water rushes down one of Colorado’s Fourteeners (Mount Evans) forming this high mountain lake filled with some marvelous fish. Cold water creates very dark, shimmering reflections while at your feet the underneath rocks appear only slightly darker and cooler in color than those on the shore.
Old Red Hot 8 x 16 Oil
How many times can I paint these ranch scenes? I never tire of them. Memories of places such as this reside in the root of my being. Perhaps, you too have fond memories of this disappearing way of life. Our ranch truck was an old (maybe a 1957?) Chevy pick-up that could climb over anything while in low gear. She was temperamental but solid and we called her Red Hot. You’ll find her in the barnyard.
At some point after beginning these last two paintings, I laid out the next three. I was on a roll and feeling very confident, but within that confidence were some stirrings of discontent. I began to paint this Iris and Dune painting, hoping that by some miracle new understanding and skill would appear as I painted. Never happens like that, I knew, but “just maybe once?”, I thought.
On the Easel Iris and Dunes 20 x 30 Oil Layout
On the Easel Iris and Dunes B 20 x 30 Oil Color Values
On the Easel Iris and Dunes C 20 x 30 Oil
Here I came to a stop, placed the canvas against the wall where I could see it every day and began to fret. Seemed to me as if I had gone backward not forward….I thought this painting would flow together from my unconscious mind – maybe not effortlessly, but with some cool moments of Aha! It didn’t happen and now my angst becomes real.
To relax a bit, I took some art instruction books from the shelf to read, watched some videos I have from well known artists (Richard Schmid, Scott Christensen, Kevin MacPherson, Tim Deibler, for example). My head began to swim with ideas, new directions, exciting thoughts and a huge desire to “get painting again”. So I took this canvas below, already at the stage of color value wash, and began to experiment with my new thoughts on large shapes in the composition, the value of certain planes, color temperatures, shadow vs. light and atmospheric perspective. All subjects I have worked on with every painting, but now with some adjusted new vision – I thought.
On the Easel Grassy Pond 16 x 20 Oil
On the Easel Grassy Pond 16 x 20 C Oil
I don’t even have photos to show where I have been with this painting! But today, it looks like this, believe it or not! After hours of painting and re-painting, I haven’t even started thinking about the water! So now it rests against the wall where I can see it every day and fret!
So I returned to the Iris and Dunes painting:
On the Easel Iris and Dunes D 20 x 30 Oil
I’ve a long way to go with this painting and I confess that I just may never get there at all. As usual with these transitions, there are parts of the painting I like and others I will rework again and again until I do get it right or just give it up. Sometimes, just learning from the mistakes then letting the painting “go” become the catharsis one needs to start anew.
And I still have this one left untouched on the easel:
On the Easel Breck Falls 20 x 24 Oil
This composition is a complicated scene of rocks with water cascading over some and others forming a narrow canyon with trees here and there. I have laid out the initial darks and will next do a color value wash before I begin the finished painting. Hummm….will I really paint it that way or will I begin to feel comfortable in some new skin and skill level and approach this painting in a different frame of mind? Stay tuned.
Thank you, for your patience in allowing me to bare my artistic soul, consuming your precious time with my artist’s angst. Admitting to all my failings, uncertainty and lack of confidence and then writing it all down for everyone to read has been difficult but cathartic too, thanks. There is no perfection in this world and I am but a brief traveler here pursuing a simple dream.
I am off for a couple of weeks of R and R in western Montana – where I will plein air paint, hug my son, enjoy the company of my sister and her husband and watch my husband unwind and relax after hours of fly fishing. We travel up through Wyoming and Idaho and return through central Montana including a visit with our ranch family. Need I say more?
Sorry, but there simply will not be a blog until late September. It could be filled with news and maybe even some great new paintings. Until then……..
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Ciao!
Ginger
